A New Normal

The first time I experienced racism was around five-years-old. I walked into my ballet class with white tights on. A White classmate approached me and told me I wasn’t allowed to wear white tights because I was Black and I had to wear black tights. That night I went home and cried to my mom begging for black tights and asked why I looked different from everyone else in class and why my hair was so big and curly. And that began the first conversation I had about racism in our country.

The past few weeks have felt extremely heavy in America. As a Bi-racial woman, it has felt even heavier. Hearing and seeing the video of the death of George Floyd in my hometown state of Minnesota hit hard. When I saw the footage all I could picture was my brother, which shook me to my core. When the protests began that next night, I felt fear for my family and my niece who lived a few short blocks away. And at just nine-years-old, my niece had to learn what a protest was and why helicopters and sirens were keeping her up at night, yet she understood why these things were happening. The next day my family boarded up broken windows to their business with pride and in support of the protests.

While the death of another Black man in America is nothing new to me, this time felt different, I could feel that an actual change was coming. I began to hear an uproar from the people of America that enough was enough, and I too, began to feel that way. I felt hope. Over the weeks I’ve experienced an emotional rollercoaster; one moment it’s anger that America is just now waking up, one moment it’s feeling despondent recounting all of the acts of racism I have experienced in this lifetime, but mostly, it’s empowerment. From the posts flooding social media, to people being vulnerable and sharing their stories, to seeing businesses commit to making a change to be better, to the protestors crying out in the streets, to the friends that have reached out to check in and let me know that they always were and will continue to be my ally. All of that is empowering beyond words.

As someone who has always been the minority in the room it can be challenging at times to speak up and have your voice heard. When the uprising in the wake of George Floyd began, Katherine called me without hesitation to see how I was doing and to let me know that she will always support me and be in my corner. I attempted to hold back tears on the phone; it was the most comforting thing. I have never had a boss say that to me before. Katherine asked for my input on where we should donate money and what causes I supported-she wanted to ensure they were going to places I believed in. We were able to have an open and candid conversation about how we could improve diversity wise and what kind of changes we hope to see in the wedding industry.

I’ve always been Bi-racial (hello, I was born in this skin), but for once I am finally starting to feel seen and recognized for my struggles and strengths because of it, which is incredibly powerful. I have always been a strong believer in advocacy work (hello again, I have a Master’s in Social Work). With my experience in advocacy I plan to take that power I’m feeling right now and continue to amplify my voice not only for myself but for others, including in the wedding industry, and work with others to help bridge the gaps that so desperately need to close. Together we can make a change.

While I cannot unpack my entire feelings, experiences, and the layers of racism into one blog post, it is important for me to start somewhere and share my truth.

In the wise words of young Gianna Floyd, “Daddy changed the world.” And to that I say, yes he did baby girl, and we’re just getting started. We won’t go back to normal, we’re going to keep fighting in his honor and the honor of the many lives that were unjustly taken before.

This is my truth,

Jessica

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